grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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