I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
