He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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