My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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