I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
