just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
