how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
