Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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