She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
