i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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