Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
