as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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