I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
