finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
