Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
