I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
