i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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