# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
