Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
