1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
