big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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