you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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