I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
