no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
