my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
