we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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