i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
