hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
