I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
