My first STD was from a foam party
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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