i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
