Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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