the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
