how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
