i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
