I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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