Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
