It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
