halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
