better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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