Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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