btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
