fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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