Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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