glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
