Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
