my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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