The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
