Your face is a jimmy john
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
