no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
