She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
