You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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