I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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