saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
