My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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