"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
