hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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