Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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