xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
