Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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