I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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