Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
