We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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