I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
